Don't feed the crocodiles...

The big story on the news tonight was a shark attack in Gracetown, Western Australia (WA) just some km South of Perth. A 31 y/o man was bitten by a great white while sitting on his surf board only a 100 meters offshore. He made it to the hospital but the bite in the leg sadly ended up being fatal. This is the second shark attack in Gracetown in 6 years. It is comforting and also very strange that in a place so full of predators, people are shocked and rattled each time they hear of an attack. The thing about the Aussies though is that they are so laid-back that discussions about the abundance of dangerous animals that can kill you in 5 minutes or less are always very light and most people you speak with ease your worries by reporting that they have never had a run-in with any of the scary toxic things.  But, despite their lackadaisical attitude, they pay strict attention to signs and warnings that tell you where and where not to swim and most people know exactly what time of year (down to the month) and what areas are high in jellyfish, crocodiles, sharks, etc. They are pretty good about knowing where most predators can be found (If in doubt, guess Queensland or the Outback). As I hear and read more and more about the most toxic animals you could possibly imagine, I decided to do my own research so that I too know where the jellyfish live and the funnel-web spider, and the difference between the desert adder snake and the monstrous taipan.

So, my online research was helpful in that now I know what each snake, spider, fish, jellyfish, etc...look like and which ones I need to be concerned about (all of them depending on where you are). It is always a little relief when you read that the most venomous snake is only found in the driest part of the outback, so we will likely not meet.  But just about every scary animal somehow makes it way to Queensland (but so many people live there, and are still living, so it must not be too much of a problem).

My favorite part of my online education was the continued nonchalant description of what to do if you happen to come face to face or are victim of a surprised attack by one of these animals. The usual advice was: "Steer Clear!" If you see the western brown snake, it is the most venomous snake in the world so "Stay away!".  If you see a taipan, which apparently you can't miss because it is 6 feet long and the size of a man's wrist, "Steer Clear, You do not want to be bitten by this snake!" Sometimes the steer clear or stay away defense tactic was accompanied by "Run!" This may be the case if you are actually face to face or within the exaggerated 6 foot striking distance of the most toxic predators on the earth. While the initial warnings of stay away were just if you happen to see a snake minding its own business while slithering along the path, which apparently never happens. This warning I realized was for the silly people (not professional snake charmers) who would approach and "bother" or "provoke" the deadliest animal on the planet. Who would do that! And I wish the informational guide would give me something I can work with here like "Walk softly and carry a big stick" then "If the snake strikes, quickly duck left and grab it by the neck then knock it out with the big stick." It doesn't say that.
Basically the only defense is to stay away, but that's only if you see it coming.

The saltwater crocodile excerpt was my favorite. "If you are on land, Run! If you are in the water, Swim as fast as you can (even though a croc could outswim you if on the prowl). If you are bitten and the croc begins the death roll, then you are in trouble and that will be the end." It really said that.
Not very satisfied with these tactics, I researched more on the saltwater crocodile, and attacks are not common but not completely infrequent, and so there are alot of warnings about where not to swim and how to avoid high crocodile areas.  If you are bitten you are to repeatedly beat the crocodile in the nose, poke its eyes, and scream, as just like alligators they do not like resistance or commotion. Finally! some sort of defense. I am good at commotion and actually screaming too (thanks to childhood beatings from my brothers).
I don't plan on having to use any of this knowledge as I am terrified or running into any of the animals on the most deadly list. And so with my new knowledge, I can be as casual as the Aussies and say..."Oh, the really scary kill you in 5 minutes funnel-web spider, oh don't worry about that...they only live in Sydney."